It is the day after Thanksgiving, and if I were being honest, I would tell you that it has been a very difficult and emotional day for me. Today on the way back from having a wonderful time in Tennessee with my family for Thanksgiving, I stopped in Hixson, TN to watch an old college friend be buried in the ground.
A precious friend from Berry College died last Saturday after being sick for 2 years. It was shocking and sudden...very sad for all who knew her. Her name is Tabitha. She was a music major with the most amazing singing voice. She was only 31 years old when she died. The wife of an adoring husband Justin(also a music major at Berry), and an amazing mother of two young children, Malachi who is 7 and MaryRuth who is 4.
Tabitha had the type of personality that people were drawn to. Not only was she extremely fun to be around, but she had a way of making everyone around her feel comfortable and accepted. She was brutally honest, a characteristic I loved so much about her. Our friendship started during our early years at Berry when we were neighbors on the same hall in the dorm. By our senior year we lived in the same house with a total of 6 girls. Tabitha was the one who was with me when I found out I was pregnant with Payton, and as we lived together that first semester of our senior year, she took care of me and my growing belly, often rubbing lotion on my tummy...trying to help minimize the stretch marks.
Yes, Tabitha was a dear friend to me, and in our years since Berry we have kept in touch. Even though we would only talk maybe every 6 months or so, each time I spoke with her it would be as if I had just spoken with her the day before. She would always make me laugh with her honesty about life and what was going on with her. I always enjoyed our chats, and would see her from time to time as the years passed.
I regret to say that I have not seen or talked to Tabitha in a while. The last time we spoke on the phone was well over a year ago. Odell had died, and Tabitha had already been sick once and was in remission. Things for her were looking good. I remember we had a hard, serious talk. She talked about the reality of being sick and how scary that is. I talked about grief and the reality of loosing a child. We were honest with each other about our feelings, emotions and hardships. We shared book titles of books we were reading that were helping us cope. Then we laughed as we realized that a few short years ago (in college), this certainly is not the way that we thought our lives would go. And that is the last time I spoke with her...if only I had known.
Tabitha and Justin our senior year. They had just gotten engaged.
Tabitha and I our senior year at a wedding shower they gave me
Tabitha, Justin and I (and Payton) at graduation
Payton was born a week later
Tabitha and I
Tabitha and I before one of her performances
Burying a friend or loved one is hard any day of the year. But this wasn't just any day for me. Today, November 27th, is the day that Odell died, just 3 years ago. So needless to say, for much of the Thanksgiving holiday and especially today...I have NOT been ok. Tabitha's death has released in me a whole new wave and flood of emotion and grief that was just waiting to come out. I have done a lot of healing in the last 3 years, but the raw pain and ache of grief is so familiar to me, that is comes back easily. My heart aches for Justin and his children. I know the dark days he will have to walk through before he starts to see the light. All day there has been a pain in the pit of my stomach for both the loss of Tabitha and the loss of Odell. I am reminded of how we just don't understand the why's of this life.
This has been an angry year for me. Since Odell's death God has often given me peace that passes understanding. He has been my strength in times of great weakness. I have been able to focus on Odell being out of pain and healed, and in heaven! What mother would not want that for her child. But this year I am more focused on the fact that I WANT HIM HERE! I miss him terribly! I should have a 3 year old running around right now! Three years later the empty place is still here, and I still don't have him back. Not that I thought he was coming back...but I am still mad that he is not here in my arms. And I am mad that Tabitha's gone. She was truly the salt of the earth. Why her? Why him?
So what's the point of all this?
Tend to your relationships and friendships...TODAY. Oh to talk to Tabitha just one more time. To hold my son for just a few more minutes. If I could only go back for even a moment. Don't put it off for another day. It had been on my "to do" list for months...Call Tabitha. Why didn't I take the time to do it?! Take nothing for granted. One sentence can change your life forever.
